as i write these words, i am feeling tired, which is not new, as i have been feeling tired every day for two
and a half years, since an enormous earthquake, tornado, thunderstorm, and atom bomb hit my life all at
the same time. yes, my son was born and that was that.

i spent thirty-one years before that day preparing
for its arrival, for “the return of the king.” of course, i had not the faintest clue that’s what i was doing. so
many years spent focusing, bettering, falling, kicking, striving, arriving, not arriving, hoping, dreaming,
preening, screaming, laughing, flirting, hurting, crying, lying, creating, waiting, running, running, winning,
spinning, growing, knowing, not knowing, sowing . . . and then, he appeared. like the first woman on
earth to give birth. that was me. that’s what i am.
so now, there is light coming in through the crack in the door. no less, no more.
now, i am still the same. and i will never be the same. . . .
now, if the angel of death comes down and asks for his soul (the king’s), he gets mine instead,
no question about it.
now, i am going to sleep.
love, noa

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Lyrics

There is light coming in
through the crack in the door
now
there is hope
where i’d never expect it before
now
there are so many things
but there’s nothing at all
now
you are learning to stand
i am learning to fall.
now
as the air in the night
becomes cooler and sweet
now
i get up seven times
just to cover his feet
now
there is pain
but i’ve packed it away for next year
now
there is newness and grace and for now,
there’s no fear.
then
i can hardly remember what then used to be
then
there was someone i knew
looked exactly like me
i was running and running
with so much to boast
and i had no idea
what matters the most
later
when all of this has turned to songs
and faded pics
later
when colored wooden blocks
turn into heavy bricks
later
when you will greet me only
with the shyest smile
who knows what later brings?
and so meanwhile . . .
now
there is light coming in
through the crack in the door
now
there is hope
where i’d never expect it before
now
there are so many things
but there’s nothing at all
now
you are learning to stand
i am learning to fall.