Tips on Bridging the Cultural Divide

# Get in touch with his family before the first big meeting, especially if it's planned for a big holiday. Holidays are emotional times for many families, and therefore not the best time to spring big issues. Getting together for a lunch or dinner date, or for a play or other cultural event can provide a chance to get to know one another a bit under more relaxed conditions.

# Recognize the importance of an ally. As in the case of Linda and Alan, one parent who is accepting of your relationship can ease the fears of the others. Parents may be more accepting if the "seal of approval" comes from one of their own peer group, or because they don't want to be seen as the "unenlightened ones" in the equation.

# As Melissa Mertz discovered, it's important to discuss why rituals and cultures are so important to us. Tell your partner that Easter dinner makes you feel like an important part of your family, since it's something you've always shared, rather than simply insisting on attending.

# Focus on building your own rituals and experiences together. These are the ones you'll treasure in the years to come. Bringing other family members into these events may even lead them to have more respect for your relationship.

Learning to Compromise

Melissa Mertz, a family therapist in private practice in New York, sees this cultural "tug-of-war" often. "For some couples, the issue of cultural survival is very tricky. But couples have to learn to compromise. The issue of cultural differences is an easy one for people to use in order to stay disconnected from each other. "

Mertz counsels couples to grow together. "People need to understand that if they're still holding on to the traditions of their family of origin to the extent that it's hurting their relationship with their spouse, they need to divorce their family of origin so that they can really be married to each other."

Mertz herself is a Catholic married to a Jewish man. At one time, she reports, their religious differences caused considerable stress.

"We used to fight about the Christmas tree because I saw it as a ritual and he saw it as a religious symbol," she recalls. "Rich and I even went to classes to help us deal with this issue. He began to accept it as a ritual that was important to me, and I was able to communicate to him that my need for it had to do with the fact that it was the only connection I had with my family."

This acceptance works to affirm, rather than divide, a family's closeness. Jenny and Sanjit, who have been married for 10 years and have seven-year-old twins, say that cultural differences have added richness to their family life. Jenny, who is half-Chinese and half-white, introduced Sanjit, who is Catholic and Indian and observes all the traditional Western Christian holidays, to the celebration of the Chinese New Year.

Linda and Alan ultimately settled on the name Jamal�similar enough to James to satisfy Alan but with an African-American flavor, which pleased Linda. "We each learned how to compromise," says Linda, "we're too important to each other not to." Like Susan, Alan and Linda learned that cultural identity needn't be a threat to the relationship. A mixed marriage may not be without its problems, but it adds enormous richness to family life, as well as insight into other communities. "Deciding between my traditions and hers was never an issue," agrees Sanjit. "We just celebrate everything. The twins, of course, think they're the luckiest kids in the world!"

A Game of Tug-o-War

Susan was excited to meet her future mother-in-law, Marie, and Arturo's extended family. But when she arrived at Marie's pleasant Washington Heights apartment, she was wholly unprepared for her greeting: "Oooh, you're so skinny!" said Marie with genuine alarm, leading Susan to the kitchen table and piling high a plate of oxtail stew. Susan, who had recently gone on a diet in preparation for her wedding � and wasn't sure how she felt about oxtail to begin with � didn't want to seem rude by declining Marie's cooking.

As the weekend progressed, Susan felt increasingly disoriented. Since there were a fair number of children in Arturo's extended family, Susan expected a traditional Easter egg hunt. But there were no chocolate eggs in sight. Instead Marie served up a traditional Dominican Easter pudding made with sweet red beans and decorated with a crucifix made of red wafers.

Small things, to be sure. Yet taken together, these details had Susan thinking about just how different her experiences had been from those of her fianc�. "Even though it was nice, it was unfamiliar," she recalls. "For a moment, there, I had to ask myself whether I could feel at home with a family that was just so different from mine. But once I familiarized myself with their way of celebrating, I began to relax and enjoy myself."

When Linda, who is black, and Alan, who is white, were first married, they both believed that their love could overcome all obstacles. But from the very beginning, their marriage lacked the support of either of their families. This increasingly painful situation strained their relationships with their parents, and consequently began to try their own relationship.

Alan's father, James, with whom he was very close, was the first to fully accept the couple. James became an ally, instrumental in helping to influence the other parents. Tragically, just before Linda became pregnant, James unexpectedly died. And Linda and Alan began to argue about what to name their son.

"I wanted to give him a name that was more traditionally African-American," says Linda. "It was important to me to preserve my culture and to hand that down to my son, who was going to be perceived by the world as a Black man. But Alan wanted to name our child James in honor of his father."

Love Across a Cultural Divide

Love conquers all, or so we'd like to think. But when a relationship comes up against the ties of family, culture, and tradition, it helps to have the patience of a saint and the skills of a diplomat.

Increasing numbers of American couples claim mixed racial heritage, and millions of others come from mixed religious backgrounds. While many of these couples are indeed drawn to one another in part because of their differences, the same qualities that may have attracted them can become relationship stumbling blocks.

Susan and Arturo are part of this growing trend toward multicultural, multiethnic relationships. Susan, a strawberry-blond optometrist from Seattle, prepared to travel with her fianc� Arturo to spend Easter at his family home in New York City. The couple had met just seven months earlier when the dashing sales rep, originally from the Dominican Republic, came into Susan's store to check his prescription.

"One of the things I noticed immediately about Arturo is that he is extremely chivalrous � so different from the guys I knew," says Susan. "Arturo is always appropriately dressed, holding the door open, escorting me somewhere. I had always looked for that chivalry in a guy, but I had been looking in a world where that just didn't exist � until I met Arturo."

Starting Your Search

So you want to take the plunge, but the World Wide Web is huge. Where do you go? A web site or newsgroup that caters to any nonromance interest of yours � say, antique Persian rugs � will involve people talking and meeting electronically, and many romances have grown from discussions of shared interests.

Looking for love in all the wrong places? Join the Single Girls' Club now!

Chat rooms abound online, and people enter them with the specific interest of meeting others. "A chat room is instant, so when people are lonely, they can sign on and instantly be connected to a potential partner or new friend," observes sociologist Robin Hamman of Britain's Hypermedia Research Centre. But the nature of these connections may not be your cup of tea. Hamman's studies of chat room users show that many participants are "sitting naked in front of their computers, sharing interactive sexual fantasies with each other." Adds Dr. Appell: "The search for real relationships there is rare."

An alternative is posting a personal ad online in a personals or dating registry, or joining an online dating service like Match.com, browsing their personals ads, and responding by email to those that pique your interest. "Posting in an online personals area is like placing a personals ad in the newspaper," says Hamman. "It could take days, even months, for anyone to reply to your ad if at all. The quality of responses, however, might be more satisfactory because only those who truly think they might be your 'match' tend to reply."

There is a guide to personals services online; it's called Cupid's Network. The site lists and has direct links to hundreds of dating and personals services, most of which you can browse on a trial basis at no cost. Dr. Appell recommends this as a place to invest some time. "Take care in selecting a network. Some are 'players' places," catering to the young-and-restless or to those in search of non-serious relationships. The more selective you are in matching a network to your interests and goals, the higher the quality of responses you get."

Proceed with Caution

"The major danger of the online world, as it is in the real world, is that you will be seduced by words and not by character," observes Dr. Appell. For this reason he urges people to go back to the earliest email messages received in an exchange and read between the lines. He believes that all of the themes in the relationship's development are present in the initial communication.

Looking for love in all the wrong places? Join the Single Girls' Club now!

One deception rampant in the electronic world is marital status. "You must ask the pertinent questions, such as age and marital status, early in the course of an exchange," stresses Dr. Appell. "Scammers fudge on them. If there's any equivocation, hit the delete button. It's a way to eliminate the married or the 'players.'"

Dr. Bernardo J. Carducci, professor of psychology at Indiana University, points out that relationships normally progress by way of a reasonably paced flow of self-disclosure that is reciprocal in nature. A disclosure process that moves too quickly � anonymity removes the stigma of getting sexually explicit � doesn't just destroy courtship; it may be a sign of maladjustment. Be wary of people who reveal a great deal of information about themselves too quickly.

What you want is what Dr. Appell calls "communicative matching." He urges honesty to self, moving at a rhythm and pace that feels natural to you. It's also important to keep the rhythm and pace of emailing steady. Because email lacks expressive tones, any changes in the rhythm of messaging may be read as changes in feelings.

One good indicator of a relationship's potential is a correspondent's interest in his or her children, whether small or grown. People who are attached to their children are likely to be capable of emotional involvement and know something about commitment.

Love Stories

It was Valentine's Day, 1997, and Beverly Appell, in her mid-40s, was newly located in rural Tennessee when she began a systematic online search for some kind of relationship. What started as curiosity became a daily ritual. Every morning before leaving for work she selected one state's personal ads to explore. She began on the east coast and moved west � electronically.

On April 18 she hit California. There she found an ad, posted on Valentine's Day, by Dr. Appell. Many months of emailing followed and, eventually, a meeting was planned. But Beverly became skittish about traveling all the way to San Francisco to meet a stranger, so she arranged a proxy meeting between Kenneth and an old friend in the Bay area whose opinion she could trust. "You have a wonderful man out here," her friend told her after the meeting. "You've got the world waiting for you out here."

William R., a divorced management expert in his early 50s, runs a major professional organization in New York City. He uses a personal screen name that reflects his preferred vacation spot � it's something like "WyomingMan." One day while he was online an interloper sent him an instant message � Do you really love Wyoming?

The messager was a divorced single mom, a 45-year-old school administrator living in the New York suburbs who had begun a quest for companionship by entering a few keywords into a search of the membership directory at America Online. A mutual interest in hiking out west led to many conversations with William and a very successful in-person meeting. A year of courtship and, two months ago, marriage, followed.

Love in the Internet Age

The Internet can be a great place to find love... if you do it right.

If you're looking for love, the chances are increasingly good that you will search for it � and find it � online. Dating services are so busy signing up new members that some can afford to specialize in almost any human interest you can imagine � from auto parts to zebras. Internet romance is so hot, say experts, that the day is fast approaching when searching online will be the standard way people find love.

"Cyberlove" is exploding precisely because computer use � and Internet access � is growing rapidly among the adult population. While people initially used computers to get information, they are now quickly turning to them for social uses. Psychologist Dr. Kenneth Appell says this may be because electronic communication fosters a deeper, more intense intimacy due to its ease and anonymity. He describes it as meeting "from the inside out." Dr. Appell should know; a clinical psychologist at the University of California Medical Center in San Francisco, he is also a successful cyberlove seeker, and coauthor (with his wife Beverly) of It Takes Two.com: A Psychological and Spiritual Guide to Finding Love on the Internet Personals

Dating, Kissing, and What Men Say about Romance

Dating and the Single Man
(North America, 1994)
According to survey results, chivalry isn't dead! In fact, most single men in North America like observing the old-fashioned gestures: 91 percent want to open doors for dates, 85 percent prefer to pick up the tab, and 77 percent would like to help their date put on her coat.

Dating Around the World
(Global, 1994)
Fewer than half the women surveyed in 21 countries (47 percent) would choose their current husband or boyfriend as the perfect date!

America's Most Wanted Man and Woman
(North America, 1993)
Want a snapshot of the perfect date? According to the 1,000 men and women surveyed, the perfect male is of average height, with blue eyes and short, neat brown hair. The ideal woman is also of average height, with blue eyes, full lips and wavy, shoulder-length brown hair.

The Most Romantic Men in the World
(Global, 1993)
Women in 14 countries around the world are convinced that men in Italy and France are the most romantic. But when the same ladies rate their own mates, the guys who most often finish at the top are actually from Greece!

"A Kiss Is Just a Kiss"
(North America, 1992)
The first kiss is often the most memorable for the 33 percent of men and women who say they "never got over" him or her.

Kissing Around the World
(Global, 1992)
If love makes the world go around, kissing is an essential part of the process, according to 77 percent of all those surveyed. Fully 49 percent rate their own kissing prowess as eight or better on a scale of 10!

Harlequin Asks Men about Romance
(North America, 1991)
The double standard takes on a new meaning as men advise women to have a lot of lovers before they marry � recommending an average of nine sexual partners. For themselves, the guys said 16 was a nice round number. When asked to rate their love lives, 30 percent reported "great," another 36 percent said "pretty darn good," 23 percent said "average" � and a woeful eight percent reported that their neighbor's dog has more dates!

The State of Romance in North America
(North America, 1990)
When asked, "If you were getting married tomorrow, would you pick the same man you're with today?" Harlequin's respondents gave back a resounding "Yes!" Almost nine out of 10 married women would pick the same spouse all over again. And 60 percent of the singles would like to wed their current guy.

Top Statistics on Love

Lingerie
(North America, 1998)
A majority (68 percent) of women say they wear sexy lingerie to please themselves, not necessarily anyone else. The secret's out: 72 percent of women believe that when their men give them a gift of lingerie, the gift is really for him!

Time for Love
(Global, 1998)
Contrary to conventional wisdom, women around the world have plenty of time for romance; in fact, 56 percent say they have ample time to make love with their partner, and 58 percent don't let a day go by without making themselves look attractive! If they could have more time for just one thing, women around the globe would choose:

1. Traveling: 26 percent
2. Quality time with friends and family: 15 percent
3. Romance: 14 percent

Trust, Lies, and Relationships
(North America, 1997)
Nine out of 10 respondents (89 percent) believe that mutual trust is very important in a relationship, but only 69 percent say they trust their mate completely. And 4 percent admit they don't trust their partner at all!

Jealousy
(Global, 1997)
More than six out of 10 men and women believe their mate is "just right" when it comes to the jealousy issue! Those who believe that they're hooked up with a partner who is "too jealous" are most likely to live in Turkey (40 percent), Portugal (36 percent), Poland (31 percent), Spain (30 percent) or Greece (25 percent).

America in the Bedroom
(North America, 1996)
Almost half (46 percent) of women in North America agree that "a good night's sleep is better than sex." Fully one-third say that if they could have anything in the world, they would like more sleep.

The Ideal Man
(Global, 1996)
The ideal man would always be "my best friend," according to 47 percent of the survey respondents. In his spare time, the ideal man would most often choose to spend time with his kids, say 36 percent of all those surveyed.

Couples
(North America, 1995)
Eight out of 10 men and women agree that the best thing about being a couple is "having someone to share your life with." The survey also proves that the concept of the "clingy" woman is a fallacy: 65 percent of all women surveyed are comfortable doing things without their partners, compared with 51 percent of the men.

The Most Romantic Women in the World
(Global, 1995)
The men most likely to agree with the statement "I adore her, and she feels the same about me," live in Australia and the U.S. (96 percent each), Canada (95 percent), France (94 percent) and Taiwan (93 percent). Those most likely to report that "she takes me for granted" live in Hungary (87 percent), Holland, and France (79 percent each).

The Romance Report

The Harlequin Survey: Ten years of insights on kissing, dating, love, marriage � and lingerie!

During the past decade, Harlequin has surveyed men and women in North America � and around the globe � about all aspects of love and romance. Topics have ranged from kissing prowess to whether women have enough time for their love lives.... Harlequin even broached the gossamer secrets of the bedroom in its lingerie survey!

On this, the ten-year anniversary of the Harlequin Romance Report, the statistics are as relevant as ever, as you will see from our carefully selected collection!

Things You Should Always Have on Hand

First, there are the obvious items that no romantic evening can be without: Candles and soft music.

When it comes to candles, the more the better (if he's sensitive to fragrance, use only unscented candles). Nothing is more dramatic than a room filled with glowing candles. Put them in every room that you and your sweetie will be using � cluster them in your living room and surround your bathtub with them. Of course, have plenty in your bedroom, too. And because nothing spoils the mood more than not having any matches to light them, make sure you have plenty on hand.

Music is the perfect way to not only set the mood, but to get into the mood. Whether it's soft romantic ballads or sexy sultry jazz, make sure you have something ready to turn on right away. On nights when you're expecting him to visit, you might want to have the music playing and the candles lit even before he arrives.

Of course, it would be romantic to have wine chilled ahead of time, but remember that not all men like or drink wine. If he's a beer drinker, have his favorite brew chilling in your fridge. Or have all the essentials for his signature cocktail.

Also, if your home or apartment has the ultimate mood setter � a fireplace � be sure to have plenty of kindling and dry wood on hand. Nothing is worse than a fire burning out just when things start heating up.

Creating romance and pleasure takes planning � even when you're planning for the unexpected. Besides the basics there are many other items you should keep on hand in case of a romantic emergency.

Romantic Emergency

In the case of a natural disaster, you'd stock up on such essentials as bottled water, canned foods, and flashlight batteries. But are you just as prepared for the possibility of a romantic disaster? You should always be ready for love to come knocking � especially when you least expect it.

Don't let cupid catch you off guard.
Imagine answering the door wearing curlers, a mud mask, and a old track suit. You're expecting the pizza deliveryman, not your new boyfriend who an hour ago said on the phone that he was staying home to watch hockey.

For such spontaneous men (and moments), keeping a few items on hand will ensure that you can set the mood with little or no notice.

A Word About Lessons

Lessons for beginner swingers usually start off with steps that combine the most popular dances such as the lindy hop, the jitterbug, and the Charleston. Be prepared for a good workout. Swing is about getting your passion and your heart in action. Besides dancing cheek-to-cheek with your partner, you'll be spun, thrown, and twirled from one song to the next.

For those of you who prefer Shania over swing, lasso your guy into taking country dancing lessons with you. Modern country dancing is very different from old-fashioned hoedowns held in barns. The popularity of new country music has helped revive country dancing and has given it a fresher, younger feel. Much of the twang in the tunes has disappeared and cowboy boots are optional.

Just remember that the type of lessons you sign up for should match the music you plan to play at your wedding. You may also want to consider letting your guests in on your plans ahead of time. Some of them might want to polish up their polkas or practice their moves for the chicken dance before the music starts.

The Enduring Charm of Ballroom Dancing

In the 1700s the oldest ballroom dance, the waltz, was considered so risqu� that it was banned throughout Germany and France. It was the first dance where partners wrapped their arms around each other. Parents were warned about the carnal risk their dancing daughters were being exposed to.

Fortunately for lovers, the fluid movements of ballroom dancing have endured. Whether you're on the dance floor with your latest boyfriend or your husband of many years, waltzing can quickly heat things up between a couple. What's more, waltzing burns away calories.

Another great thing about ballroom dancing is that it is a social dance. Unlike loud disco clubs, you can actually hear each other speak over the music and engage in a conversation.

If you consider yourself too hip-and-happening for ballroom dancing, you may want to try the latest dance revival. Originating in the 1930s, swing dancing, along with its cool counterparts � martinis and cigars � has been enjoying a comeback in lounge bars and night clubs.

You're about to dance your first dance as husband and wife, and you've got two left feet. Nothing that a good dance instructor and a few lessons can't fix.

The lights go dim, the music starts, and all your friends and family look on. For such an important moment, you might want to take a few pre wedding dance lessons � especially considering all the cameras and videos that will be focused on you. Taking dance lessons together might even turn out to be a welcome (and romantic) break from your otherwise hectic pre-wedding chaos!

No rhythm? Two left feet? As long as both of you want to learn how to dance, there's nothing a good dance instructor and a few lessons can't fix. After a few lessons, the two of you will be dancing the night away, like a modern-day Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers.

The only other obstacle you may have to overcome is convincing your man to sign up and take dance lessons with you. Hopefully, he'll jump at the opportunity to spend a few extra hours each week with his arms around you. If not, you may have to do some negotiating, such as promising to take him out for dinner after class or letting him watch hockey on Saturday nights. Or see if you can get his best man (and his best man's girlfriend) to take lessons with you.

How about learning a few other dances besides the standard wedding waltz? Latin dances such as the cha-cha, merengue, rhumba and tango all fall under the ballroom umbrella, and they are among the most passionate of dances. Inspired by bullfights and the courting rituals of wild animals, these dances involve erotic rhythms, sexy steps, and � best of all � holding your partner close.

Be a Better Flirt

Beyond the things we do subconsciously to send signals to the opposite sex, what can we do consciously to attract potential partners? The FlirtZone is an actual "flirting academy" in London, England, that offers workshops on how to flirt effectively. Its founder, Peta Heskell, offers the following flirting tips for women on the Zone's web site:

* Give clear signals. Men are notorious for misinterpreting signals from women. Make sure your flirting conveys the message you want it to (i.e., separate sexual flirting from friendly flirting).

* Wear something eye-catching. If you want someone to approach you, it's much easier if you're wearing a conversation-starter (i.e., a fun hat, a crazy pin).

* Feel good about yourself. Positivity is contagious. When you flirt, feel good about yourself and others will feel good about you.

* Separate yourself from friends. In general, men find women much more approachable when they are by themselves. This lessens the chance that he'll be rejected in front of an audience.

* Check your voice. In Peta's own words: "Does your voice sound like a dental drill or do you wash people in waves of sensual sound?"

* If you aren't interested, be polite about it. It takes a lot of courage to approach someone so be sure to turn him down in a way that you would appreciate being turned down yourself.

* Be interesting by being interested. Flatter him by showing genuine interest in who he is � ask lots of open-ended questions. It will also tell him that you need a little more information before giving him your number.

* Ask him what he enjoys doing. It's easy to rely on the good old opener, "So what do you do?" but, for some men, it translates into "How much do you make?" Because men are more activity-oriented than women, asking them what they enjoy doing will tell you more about what makes them tick.

* Only give out your real phone number. If you decide to share this information, only give him the real thing or give nothing at all. Again, it takes a lot of guts to ask for a number so treat him the way you would like to be treated.

* Make the first move. Peta says that 95 percent of the men she's talked to would love to be approached by a woman. Chalk it up to another step forward for women's equality.

* Be yourself. Be proud of who you are. Pretending to be someone you are not won't get you very far in a relationship.

How We Flirt

There are good reasons why our physical features play the greatest role in flirtation and our brains are tuned to respond to them. Just as peacocks are primed to pay attention to elaborate tail feathers, women may quiver at the sight of men with large, even features, square jaws, and big bones. They may actually rate such men as better prospective sex partners. One theory is that all of those large features are also signs that the creature has an immune system healthy enough to support such extravagant apparatus.

Similarly, by flaunting, say, our curves and swinging our hips from side to side as we sashay down the street, we do more than announce "I am an attractive and available woman." We call attention to important attributes. Scientists have established that a small waist coupled with ample hips � very curvy proportions � is a sign of both health and fertility in women. It's nature's way of declaring the likelihood that we are capable of bearing children and surviving to raise them. After all, nature has a big stake in the attraction matter � nothing less than the continuation of the species.

When a relationship gets under way, courtship follows, and two people can then apply more rational criteria in deciding whether a particular partner is lifetime-mate material. Also, more subtle signals come into play, like humor, intelligence, creativity, emotional sensitivity, and expressiveness. After all, they, too, figure prominently in our ability to survive the relatively complex lives we lead today.

Why We Flirt

Birds do it. Bees do it. In their way, even educated fleas do it. They flirt. Think of flirting as a silent but very visual language that creatures great and small use to indicate their interest in a particular member of the opposite sex. We flirt to announce attraction and to signal availability. It is a universal language spoken by all animals as well as humans, a kind of self-promotion advertising our fitness for a relationship and, sooner or later, for mating.

Scientists now know that we flirt by trying out our sexual sundries without having to go all the way with every potential prospect � it's pretty much risk-free. What's more, flirtation kicks in automatically, at the instant of attraction, driven by primitive, emotionally reactive parts of the brain.

While flirting can be viewed as important business with serious goals in mind, it's also just plain fun. Men and women do it regardless of where it may lead because it's pleasurable and erotic in its own right.

Lessons Learned

In this article...
• Weddings
• Optimize the Opportunity
• Dress for Success
• Life of the Party
• Armed and Dangerous
• When the Tables Turn
• Lessons Learned

Be outgoing; talk to everyone. Be competitive in catching the bouquet. Check your pantyhose for runs. And, in the end, if all else fails, make yourself useful. Dancing with the lonely looking grandfather will certainly make his night, offering to help the bride in the bathroom will certainly make her night and, if you just can't make a go of it, calling yourself a cab will certainly make your night. Just remember before you're whisked away, don't judge a book by its cover... the guy in the powder-blue tuxedo at the next table may very well be your Mr. Wonderful.

When the Tables Turn

In this article...
• Weddings
• Optimize the Opportunity
• Dress for Success
• Life of the Party
• Armed and Dangerous
• When the Tables Turn
• Lessons Learned


It's human nature for us to want what we don't have, so don't despair if you find yourself envying those who belong to what seems like the exclusive club of "coupledom." What you must keep in mind is that the grass isn't always greener (sorry for the clich�, but it is effective). You see, although the married couple will remain enthralled with their union throughout the honeymoon (we hope), it won�t be long before they spend some time living vicariously through their single friends' dating escapades and seemingly exciting and glamorous lives. Remember that if you start feeling low during the first dance.

Armed and Dangerous

In this article...
• Weddings
• Optimize the Opportunity
• Dress for Success
• Life of the Party
• Armed and Dangerous
• When the Tables Turn
• Lessons Learned


There is something to be said about the Boy Scouts' motto, Be Prepared. As a single woman out on the wedding circuit, make your purse contents count. Never leave home without a small mirror (as there is no one to tell you about the spinach lodged in your middle tooth), pen and paper (for passing out your telephone number), powerful breath mints (because gum cracking is a big no-no), and of course, the customary wad of facial tissue.

Life of the Party

In this article...
• Weddings
• Optimize the Opportunity
• Dress for Success
• Life of the Party
• Armed and Dangerous
• When the Tables Turn
• Lessons Learned


Why not be an optimist? A little fun never hurt anyone. However, there is one crucial thing to remember as you begin to unwind�� video captures everything for posterity. Avoid getting on a first name basis with the martini bartender. A little drink may loosen you up, but a lot of drink will undo you. Even if you croon like Patsy Cline or cut a rug like Ginger Rogers, there�s nothing worse than a video record of you dirty dancing the macarena in your stocking feet with the bride�s second cousin Merv from Montana.

Dress for Success

In this article...
• Weddings
• Optimize the Opportunity
• Dress for Success
• Life of the Party
• Armed and Dangerous
• When the Tables Turn
• Lessons Learned


Listen up. Leave your prom dress at home. Put the slinky number on hold for the night. Forget wearing the white flowing gown with lace and beading detail. This is not the place to try to upstage anyone (the bride in particular). You can put your best foot forward by standing tall, not standing out. Putting some time into your appearance will not only help you look elegant, but will help you feel exquisite. Treat yourself to a manicure, get your hair done, or have a professional do your makeup.

Optimize the Opportunity

In this article...
• Weddings
• Optimize the Opportunity
• Dress for Success
• Life of the Party
• Armed and Dangerous
• When the Tables Turn
• Lessons Learned


There are few other venues in which romance hangs in the air, where people dress in their best, and champagne flows freely. Take advantage of it. A wedding is an ideal place to meet other single people. How? If you know the bride or groom well enough, you can ask in advance to be seated with other singles. If not, mill around other people at the wedding who appear to be without a date.

Weddings

In this article...
• Weddings
• Optimize the Opportunity
• Dress for Success
• Life of the Party
• Armed and Dangerous
• When the Tables Turn
• Lessons Learned



Bathing-suit season isn�t the only reason many women dread the summer. All those wedding invitations ominously decorating your refrigerator can make your spine shudder, especially if you have no idea whom to take as your date. How are you going to survive the overwhelming love, adoration, and coupling? Well to start with, stop feeling like the spinster with forty cats and begin acting like the proud-to-be-single woman you are. With that said, leave your cousin at home and go stag.

Sound easier said than done? Possibly. But is it do-able? Positively. Armed with the right information and attitude, you�ll be able to face the bachelorettes' dreaded B's: brides, bouquets and bridesmaids bedecked in baby blue.

Flower Petal Steam Facial

Ingredients:

2 cups water
1/2 cup fresh flower petals
Directions:

Bring the water to a boil, remove from the heat, add the flower petals and stir. Let the mixture sit for five minutes.

Lean over the pot, at least 12 inches from the surface, and drape a towel over your head to form a tent.

Close your eyes and let the steam rise over your face for five minutes.

Rinse with cool water and pat dry.

Yield: 16 ounces, enough for one facial steam treatment.

Spring Cleaning: Put Your Best Face Forward

Skin care products have come a long way over the past century. Today's complex "cosmeceuticals"�� with their vitamins, enzymes and super acids�� are a different breed from the moisturizers and astringents that hit the market in the early 1900s. What women of 2000 dab, slather, and rub onto their faces is definitely not the cold cream our grandmothers used to use.

Yet despite the scientific advancements of skin care formulations, many women don't bother with even the basics for their faces. We book our monthly manicures and take trips to the spa for a massage, but when it comes to treating our faces, we often think that a little soap and moisturizer will suffice.
For A Fresh Face

Here are some basic do�s and don'ts to help you face the future with healthy, youthful skin:

* Keep the sun out�� slathering on sunscreen and staying out of the sun is the best favor you can do for your skin. Choose a sunscreen with an SPF (Sun Protection Factor) of at least 15. Using a moisturizer with a built-in sunscreen is also smart.
* Balance out�� a diet chock-full of fruits, veggies and whole grains can also help reduce the harm of sun exposure. Older women may want to check with their health practitioner about the benefits of taking vitamin supplements such as selenium and vitamin E.
* Rinse out your system�� besides eating well, you should be drinking plenty of water. Try to make a habit of having eight glasses of water a day. If squeezing fresh lemon or lime juice into it will help, then do it! At the same time, cut down on your coffee/caffeine consumption. You'll notice a marked improvement in the condition of your skin.
* Chill out�� a long week at work and a few nights of tossing and turning can definitely leave you looking worse for wear. Both stress and lack of sleep can leave your skin looking dull and sallow. In fact, both have been identified as contributing factors in adult-onset acne. Incorporate stress-busters, such as yoga, exercise, and afternoon naps into your daily regimen.
* Butt out�� ever wonder why smokers often look five to 10 years older than they actually are? Internally and externally, smoking takes a tremendous toll on the body. Elastic tissue, which keeps your skin tight and smooth, is visibly damaged by cigarette smoking.
* Toss out�� dirty, clogged makeup sponges and brushes are full of bacteria and often lead to breakouts. You should replace inexpensive cosmetic sponges often. Also, wash your makeup brushes weekly using your daily cleanser, making sure to rinse well.
* Take the grime out�� toxins, makeup, air-borne particles and pollutants should be removed from your skin using a gentle cleanser in the morning and at night. Rinse thoroughly with warm water and pat dry with a soft towel. Avoid harsh cleansers, astringent and abrasive scrubs�� they often hurt more than they help.



Many women enjoy facials to get their faces fresh and clean but you don�t have to pay a fortune at a salon for this treatment. Using our Flower Petal Steam Facial, you can pamper yourself in the comfort of your own home.

Winter Sunflower Soak

When added to a warm bath, sunflower seeds release their rich, natural oil, leaving your skin soft and moisturized � a great soak for the cold winter months when your skin may appear drier. A 20-minute soak in this bath will hydrate and soothe dry skin.

Hubby in the Tub
Stress and dry winter skin are just as likely to affect him as they do you. After your Winter Sunflower Soak, spend five minutes preparing a moisturizing bath for him.

Ingredients:
1/2 cup shelled, raw sunflower seeds
1/2 cup oatmeal
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1 teaspoon vitamin E oil

Yield: 8 ounces, enough for two baths.

Preparation

1. In a coffee grinder or food processor, grind the sunflower seeds and oatmeal until you have a smooth powder that is the consistency of whole-grain flour.
2. Stir in the spices and vitamin E oil and mix well.
3. Store the mixture in an airtight container if not used right away.


The Soak

* Pour the bath soak into a warm tub of water and stir well to mix.
* After your bath, moisturize your skin while it is still damp from bathing with some sunflower oil or a rich cream.

Blissful Baths

Turn your bathtub into a bliss-filled pleasure zone!

For centuries, baths have been recognized as a luxurious method of healing and treatment. Your tub time can be about more than getting squeaky clean. You can relieve stress, enhance your energy level, treat sore muscles, and even improve your skin tone � all within the walls of your own bathtub!

It's easy to transform your ordinary soak into an extraordinary experience and watch your stress wash down the drain. Start by setting aside one evening this week. Take the phone off the hook, retreat to your bathroom and follow these easy suggestions.

Tub Tip
Indoor heating, which dries the air in your home, can wreak havoc on your skin. Whenever possible, leave the water in your tub overnight to help humidify your home.
Relax. Before slipping into the tub, spend some time winding down. Take a short nap, curl up with a good book, or do some yoga to clear your mind.

Prepare. Do whatever it takes to create a state of bliss in your bathroom: Soothing music and scented candles can help create the perfect ambience. Be sure you have everything you need within arms' reach before you step into the tub. The last thing you want to do is get in, get wet, and wish you had something to drink. Make some herbal tea while the tub fills up.

Massage. Spas use hydrotherapy to jump-start circulation and rid the body of toxins. In your own shower, massage your body in circular motions with a high-powered shower head. Target problem areas like your tense neck muscles, alternating the water temperature from warm to cool for maximum stimulation and relaxation.

Soak. Slip into a warm bath with two cups of simple sea salt. Sea salts are a rich source of elements like iodine, believed to "unblock" the metabolism and help treat cellulite.

Moisturize. Avoid having a bubble bath � most contain harsh ingredients that will dry your skin. Instead try an oil-based treat like our Winter Sunflower Soak.



Scrub.Moisten a cup of sea salt with water to create a sticky paste. Massage the paste into your skin in an up-and-down motion, starting at your feet and working up (avoid scrubbing your neck and breasts). Don't be surprised if you sweat up a storm � your body will be working hard to detoxify. Rinse the paste off with warm water, vigorously towel-dry your skin, add plenty of moisturizer while your skin is still damp, and then slip into something comfortable.

The Sun Signs: AQUARIUS, PISCES

AQUARIUS, the Water Bearer
Ruled by shocking Uranus, Aquarius very much epitomizes the planet that inspires it. This sign has astonishing intellectual and communication skill. Aquarius may be the sign of the rugged individualist, the mad scientist and the lone eccentric, but this visionary also represents social interaction and higher consciousness. Aquarius's title, the "Humanitarian of the Zodiac," is well earned! For a fixed sign, Aquarius has a lot of adaptability. Attribute this to the need to accommodate others. A passion for life, new things, and novel situations sends Aquarius in all directions!

Without stability and a willingness to listen, however, this sign can become erratic. Aquarius can try many new things but end up mastering none. That can stifle the great success potential here. Slowing down long enough to establish a solid foundation gives Aquarius the ability to ground his or her electrical energy. Receptivity can calm rebellious tendencies, especially those that put a member of this sign at cross-purposes with his or her boss! Aquarius's future-oriented energies give all members of this sign the advantage of living as if they are well into the 25th century!

PISCES, the Fishes
Pisces is a Water element, ruled by mystical Neptune! This sign is extremely receptive, nurturing, compassionate, and other-directed. As with Scorpio, we have to explore and probe to find out the depths of this water. Pisces feelings run very, very deep. A mutable nature endows Pisces with adaptable and unifying energy. These sensitive people are like the water that flows gently downstream, around the rocks and obstacles in its path. Pisces receptivity can translate into psychic energy. Pisces knows all and sees all but probably won't tell all. The Fishes keep the secrets of the universe within and to themselves.

Without balance, Pisces can sink into the whirlpool of emotion. This can bring out hidden fears and insecurities. Lack of ego strength can make Pisces feel dependent and helpless. Then they can fall into the martyr trap. Pisces benefit by truthfully sharing their own difficulties, feelings, and need. They need to remember that they, too, have the right to receive all the help and support they are so used to giving! A happy, confident Pisces brightens the world and all our lives.

brings a need for independence. Aries coincides with springtime, when seeds germinate in an outpouring of energy and growth. This sign has an instinctive identity, early extroversion, spontaneity, and a very direct approach.

"Fire" can rage out of control. Aries's cardinal-sign assertiveness can become too willful. Then we have wild spring weather � a storming nature and a passion for power. Spontaneity can become impulsive � as only a sign ruled by energizing Mars can be! Balance comes by adding gentleness to independence and by tempering the Self with self-awareness.

TAURUS, the Bull
The Earth element of Taurus brings strength and the desire for solid ground, form and structure. Preservation is important. The Bull's fixed motivation seeks first to stabilize, then produce. Ruled by loving Venus, Taurus has great emotional depth. Friends and lovers rely on the warmth and emotional accessibility of this sign. Taurus represents consistency, loyalty and patience.

Fixed earth can be very rigid, too cautious to take some of the risks necessary in life. Sometimes the Bull ends up temporarily stuck in the mud. He or she may not want to rise to every challenge or potential. And stubborn? Ah yes! The Taurus Bull may always surface. This sign's Yin energy can go too far; Taurus becomes very, very passive � even lazy. Balance comes with a reliable plan, one that satisfies Taurus's need for stability while allowing for action and accomplishments.

• Aries, Taurus
• Gemini, Cancer
• Leo, Virgo
• Libra, Scorpio
• Sagittarius, Capricorn
• Aquarius, Pisces

The Sun Signs: LIBRA, SCORPIO

LIBRA, the Scales
Libra represents the Air element. It is a sign that is more extroverted and active. For Venus-inspired Libra, beauty, balance and harmony are important. There is a great need to share, to be fair and impartial. Even with this need for calm, Libra remains a very active, outwardly radiating personality. Libra is the cheerleader we all need to work together and build a team!

With all of these positives here, how can the sign of The Scales be unbalanced? Sometimes loving Libra can need others too much and fall into the trap of dependency. The need for partnership leads this sign to falsely believe that there is no personhood with a partner. The temptation is to give away too much to others and reserve too little for oneself. Then life reels out of control. Trying to be too fair undermines decision-making abilities. Libra may fear making the wrong choice or upsetting others. Inward-focused energy restores balance. Libras thrive when they give themselves permission to take care of themselves.

SCORPIO, the Scorpion
Scorpio is a Water element, and this makes it a somewhat enigmatic sign. Water is more receptive and introverted, but Scorpio is a Plutonian-power force. Perhaps that is why Scorpio is the sign capable of the greatest metamorphosis and renewal. If we think about it, we may look at a lake and see the interplay of light and shadows. Unless we explore further, we cannot tell just how deep it is � or what is going on within.

You'll find great love, feeling, desire and sensitivity when we probe the depths of mysterious Scorpio. A fixed nature makes Scorpio favor stability. Without some positive energy, Scorpio can go to extremes. The Scorpion may use his or her strength to exert power over others. Love can become a stronger passion than even the Scorpio can handle, and possessiveness or jealousy can surface. Independence brings balance. The Scorpio with inner security can let partners explore and remain receptive to their needs.

brings a need for independence. Aries coincides with springtime, when seeds germinate in an outpouring of energy and growth. This sign has an instinctive identity, early extroversion, spontaneity, and a very direct approach.

"Fire" can rage out of control. Aries's cardinal-sign assertiveness can become too willful. Then we have wild spring weather � a storming nature and a passion for power. Spontaneity can become impulsive � as only a sign ruled by energizing Mars can be! Balance comes by adding gentleness to independence and by tempering the Self with self-awareness.

TAURUS, the Bull
The Earth element of Taurus brings strength and the desire for solid ground, form and structure. Preservation is important. The Bull's fixed motivation seeks first to stabilize, then produce. Ruled by loving Venus, Taurus has great emotional depth. Friends and lovers rely on the warmth and emotional accessibility of this sign. Taurus represents consistency, loyalty and patience.

Fixed earth can be very rigid, too cautious to take some of the risks necessary in life. Sometimes the Bull ends up temporarily stuck in the mud. He or she may not want to rise to every challenge or potential. And stubborn? Ah yes! The Taurus Bull may always surface. This sign's Yin energy can go too far; Taurus becomes very, very passive � even lazy. Balance comes with a reliable plan, one that satisfies Taurus's need for stability while allowing for action and accomplishments.

• Aries, Taurus
• Gemini, Cancer
• Leo, Virgo
• Libra, Scorpio
• Sagittarius, Capricorn
• Aquarius, Pisces

The Sun Signs: LEO, VIRGO

LEO, the Lion
Leo is Fire to the core! Fire brings a desire to create, innovate, and lead. The sign radiates mega-confidence. Of course, the Lion must have an audience. Without applause, what else is there? The fixed motivation adds self-reliance, a characteristic that works well in leadership positions. Leo is a formative energy, with the ability to consolidate and stabilize.

Fire can rage out of control, so it helps to balance self-confidence with humility! Leo needs to become a humble but lovable lion. The playfulness associated with Leo can regress to childish demands for attention, as opposed to healthy recognition and encouragement. Leo benefits by allowing peaceful receptivity to surface. The mature Leo exudes big, beautiful heart and sheds sunshine on all who care to enjoy this bold spirit.

VIRGO, the Virgin
Virgo is an Earth sign, with a need for solid ground and form. Ruled by shape-shifting Mercury, Virgo works hard at stability. This sign analyzes and organizes life; the goal is to build a firm foundation. A good educational background is important to the Virgo. Mutable motivation surfaces in the form of helping, teamwork and cooperation. Humbleness and the ability to work behind the scenes, without complaining, often cause Virgos to miss more opportunities than they should. A dose of self-confidence helps Virgo promote what he or she has to offer.

Virgo gets stuck if he or she expresses too much earthy energy. He or she may try too hard. When frustrated, Virgo can get trapped in that notorious perfectionism. Because of the desire for security, Virgo may worry constantly about work: "What if they don't need me anymore?" "What if I make a mistake?" Balance comes with trusting that he or she will be okay and that imperfection is only human!

brings a need for independence. Aries coincides with springtime, when seeds germinate in an outpouring of energy and growth. This sign has an instinctive identity, early extroversion, spontaneity, and a very direct approach.

"Fire" can rage out of control. Aries's cardinal-sign assertiveness can become too willful. Then we have wild spring weather � a storming nature and a passion for power. Spontaneity can become impulsive � as only a sign ruled by energizing Mars can be! Balance comes by adding gentleness to independence and by tempering the Self with self-awareness.

TAURUS, the Bull
The Earth element of Taurus brings strength and the desire for solid ground, form and structure. Preservation is important. The Bull's fixed motivation seeks first to stabilize, then produce. Ruled by loving Venus, Taurus has great emotional depth. Friends and lovers rely on the warmth and emotional accessibility of this sign. Taurus represents consistency, loyalty and patience.

Fixed earth can be very rigid, too cautious to take some of the risks necessary in life. Sometimes the Bull ends up temporarily stuck in the mud. He or she may not want to rise to every challenge or potential. And stubborn? Ah yes! The Taurus Bull may always surface. This sign's Yin energy can go too far; Taurus becomes very, very passive � even lazy. Balance comes with a reliable plan, one that satisfies Taurus's need for stability while allowing for action and accomplishments.

• Aries, Taurus
• Gemini, Cancer
• Leo, Virgo
• Libra, Scorpio
• Sagittarius, Capricorn
• Aquarius, Pisces

The Sun Signs: GEMINI, CANCER

GEMINI, the Twins
The Air element of Gemini brings communication, intellect and speed! This is one of the joy-of-life signs, one that reaches out, expands and expresses. Gemini is an inquisitive student with a quick grasp of subjects. Mutable motivation brings adaptability. This is wonderful because variety-loving Gemini needs change. A flexible personality ensures that Gemini can connect with others.

Gemini's active energy can go too far, and then Gemini has a hard time finding the right direction. Members of this sign need a countervailing force of stability. The desire to communicate quickly and rapidly benefits when tempered by receptivity. Then not only can the Twins speak, they can listen in return � and complete the circuit! Balance comes from slowing down, listening, and learning the fine art of follow-through!

CANCER, the Crab
Cancer's element is Water. Symbolic of the emotions, water signs need to give and receive. They thrive on the exchange of feelings. They need security and love � to be wrapped in an environment of love and comfort. Truly a wonderful example of Yin receptivity, Cancer seems to absorb memories, feelings and psychic messages. Of course, they send back their own good vibes in the process. The cardinal motivation energizes their strong ability to provide for others. Few work as hard and as tenaciously as Cancer.

Without the balance of Yang assertiveness, however, Cancer's confidence can be a bit wobbly. After all, the Crab is so very sensitive to everything. Just as the sign's ruler, the Moon, goes through phases, Cancer often experiences moodswings. Sometimes the desire to love results in giving too much. In such cases, the Crab can become overprotective or dependent. Balanced, the Cancer adds personal independence to his or her priorities.

brings a need for independence. Aries coincides with springtime, when seeds germinate in an outpouring of energy and growth. This sign has an instinctive identity, early extroversion, spontaneity, and a very direct approach.

"Fire" can rage out of control. Aries's cardinal-sign assertiveness can become too willful. Then we have wild spring weather � a storming nature and a passion for power. Spontaneity can become impulsive � as only a sign ruled by energizing Mars can be! Balance comes by adding gentleness to independence and by tempering the Self with self-awareness.

TAURUS, the Bull
The Earth element of Taurus brings strength and the desire for solid ground, form and structure. Preservation is important. The Bull's fixed motivation seeks first to stabilize, then produce. Ruled by loving Venus, Taurus has great emotional depth. Friends and lovers rely on the warmth and emotional accessibility of this sign. Taurus represents consistency, loyalty and patience.

Fixed earth can be very rigid, too cautious to take some of the risks necessary in life. Sometimes the Bull ends up temporarily stuck in the mud. He or she may not want to rise to every challenge or potential. And stubborn? Ah yes! The Taurus Bull may always surface. This sign's Yin energy can go too far; Taurus becomes very, very passive � even lazy. Balance comes with a reliable plan, one that satisfies Taurus's need for stability while allowing for action and accomplishments.

• Aries, Taurus
• Gemini, Cancer
• Leo, Virgo
• Libra, Scorpio
• Sagittarius, Capricorn
• Aquarius, Pisces

The Sun Signs: Aries, Taurus

ARIES, the Ram
The Fire element of Aries brings assertive "I" energy. This is a flaming drive and the desire to do something! The Aries will is full of tension and passion; the "I" brings a need for independence. Aries coincides with springtime, when seeds germinate in an outpouring of energy and growth. This sign has an instinctive identity, early extroversion, spontaneity, and a very direct approach.

"Fire" can rage out of control. Aries's cardinal-sign assertiveness can become too willful. Then we have wild spring weather � a storming nature and a passion for power. Spontaneity can become impulsive � as only a sign ruled by energizing Mars can be! Balance comes by adding gentleness to independence and by tempering the Self with self-awareness.

TAURUS, the Bull
The Earth element of Taurus brings strength and the desire for solid ground, form and structure. Preservation is important. The Bull's fixed motivation seeks first to stabilize, then produce. Ruled by loving Venus, Taurus has great emotional depth. Friends and lovers rely on the warmth and emotional accessibility of this sign. Taurus represents consistency, loyalty and patience.

Fixed earth can be very rigid, too cautious to take some of the risks necessary in life. Sometimes the Bull ends up temporarily stuck in the mud. He or she may not want to rise to every challenge or potential. And stubborn? Ah yes! The Taurus Bull may always surface. This sign's Yin energy can go too far; Taurus becomes very, very passive � even lazy. Balance comes with a reliable plan, one that satisfies Taurus's need for stability while allowing for action and accomplishments.

• Aries, Taurus
• Gemini, Cancer
• Leo, Virgo
• Libra, Scorpio
• Sagittarius, Capricorn
• Aquarius, Pisces

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Heroes of the Zodiac

"Mr. Smoothie"
Sensible, down-to-earth, cautious � by reputation, this hero is about as romantic as an old overcoat. But Venus, his ruling planet, has taught him well the arts of love. Though his thrifty side may balk at a dozen roses to lay at your feet, he does know how romantic a single perfect bloom can be. He loves good food and wine, and courts in style if not extravagance. Taurus men are slow to commit, but once they do, it's for the long haul. This is one romantic guy who means what he says. And he believes firmly in the importance of marriage, home and family. Never, never trifle with the bull, though. Once roused, his anger can be terrible.

• Aries
• Taurus
• Gemini
• Cancer
• Leo
• Virgo
• Libra
• Scorpio
• Sagittarius
• Capricorn
• Aquarius
• Pisces

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

Heroes of the Zodiac

"Beautiful Dreamer"
Mystic, poet, visionary � the Pisces hero's eyes seem to be always focused on some distant horizon. They also tend to be dreamily seductive, while his voice is soft and appealing. Before you realize it, you're under his spell, wrapped in a rapturous pink cloud. But one of you must keep a foot on the ground. It had better be you, because that's one talent a Pisces doesn't often possess. But boundless kindness, compassion and empathy are his strong suits. Actually, he's a bit of a chameleon, with the ability to change to suit your expectations. Just never assume he's superficial: this hero has more depth of psyche than any other. He can very well become all men to you.

• Aries
• Taurus
• Gemini
• Cancer
• Leo
• Virgo
• Libra
• Scorpio
• Sagittarius
• Capricorn
• Aquarius
• Pisces

Aquarius (January 20-February 18)

Heroes of the Zodiac


"The Mad Scientist"
A hero of this sign usually lives up to his reputation for eccentricity, even in romance. He will serve you hamburgers on antique silver, and caviar and peacock tongues on plastic kiddie plates. He's often accused of living in his own world, but it is certainly one of constant surprises. Since he's the most gregarious sign, love him, love his collection of oddball friends. Avoid mushy shows of sentiment with him, and always give this hero lots of space. He'll do the same for you in a way that is wonderfully supportive. Life with an Aquarian is certainly never dull � but rather a constant stream of surprises, lightning bolts and electric connections.

• Aries
• Taurus
• Gemini
• Cancer
• Leo
• Virgo
• Libra
• Scorpio
• Sagittarius
• Capricorn
• Aquarius
• Pisces

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

Heroes of the Zodiac

"The Corporate Climber"
Writers of traditional and contemporary romances tend to keep this sign under observation. In so many ways the male of the species epitomizes the modern hero. Upwardly mobile and successful, his Gucci loafer is firmly placed on the next rung up the corporate ladder. A secret: as assured as he is in the boardroom, he can be ultrareserved, even shy and bumbling, one-on-one. But there is a latent romantic deep within this driven hero, even if getting to the clinch may take persistence. He's slow to ignite, but once you break down the fears and resistance, you'll have a stalwart hero who never, ever forgets your birthday or Valentine's Day.

• Aries
• Taurus
• Gemini
• Cancer
• Leo
• Virgo
• Libra
• Scorpio
• Sagittarius
• Capricorn
• Aquarius
• Pisces

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

Heroes of the Zodiac

"The Swashbuckler"
If you long for someone to sweep you up onto a white charger and out of the everyday, a Sagittarian hero is for you. This guy has a great lust for life and a rollicking sense of adventure. And he's always willing to take you along for the ride. His courtships tend to be conducted on white-water rafts or mountain outcroppings. He's honest to a fault � literally. His bluntness can be hurtful, and tends to cramp any more tender romantic style you're trying to establish. But if you want an equal partner for life who will encourage and support your loftiest dreams, a Sagittarian is for you. Don't try to make him settle down too early, though. He's a late bloomer marriagewise.

• Aries
• Taurus
• Gemini
• Cancer
• Leo
• Virgo
• Libra
• Scorpio
• Sagittarius
• Capricorn
• Aquarius
• Pisces

Scorpio (October 24-November 21)

Heroes of the Zodiac

"Heathcliff II"
This hero is definitely cast in the Gothic mold: dark, brooding, and on the slightly tortured side. The Scorpio is also overtly sexy, with a hypnotic power that draws you under his spell. This passionate romantic believes in loving with all his soul, and in the redeeming power of love. However, like heroines in stories of old, you may have to go through many trials to gain his trust. This hero doesn't fall easily, but once he does, his devotion is as complete as it gets. At his best, this is the hero who will support your needs and desires in every way that is humanly possible. At his worst, he uses his keen sense of your inner workings to wound. Avoid the bad ones at all costs.

• Aries
• Taurus
• Gemini
• Cancer
• Leo
• Virgo
• Libra
• Scorpio
• Sagittarius
• Capricorn
• Aquarius
• Pisces

Libra (September 23-October 23)

Heroes of the Zodiac


"The Charmer"
This hero has a smile that makes women's knees go weak. That's as true if you're a blushing twenty-something or a stately senior he just helped across the street. He makes instant fans for life of both sexes wherever he goes, and people invariably remember his name. He's equally at home in a box seat at the opera or at a hockey game, and he's on everyone's guest list. If you don't like competition, pass this one by. His little black book tends to be a rather large database. But when you're with him, he makes you feel as if you're the only woman in the world. If you can keep challenging his mind and spirit, the Libra can settle down to become a very devoted partner in life and in love.

• Aries
• Taurus
• Gemini
• Cancer
• Leo
• Virgo
• Libra
• Scorpio
• Sagittarius
• Capricorn
• Aquarius
• Pisces

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

Heroes of the Zodiac


"The Sensual Accountant"
At first he seems a poor candidate for a starring role in your romance. The least sentimental of all signs, a Virgo can be analytical to the point of coldness. But behind that carefully tailored, conservative suit lies a quiet romantic. He doesn't go for big displays of affection, especially in public. But he can come up with incredibly thoughtful gestures that warm your heart. This is no flash-in-the-pan guy, either. The Virgo takes his sweet time in his courting and believes in long engagements. Once committed, he can be surprisingly sexy and an inventive lover. He'll be thrilled if you always dress in good taste and occasionally fuss over his health.

• Aries
• Taurus
• Gemini
• Cancer
• Leo
• Virgo
• Libra
• Scorpio
• Sagittarius
• Capricorn
• Aquarius
• Pisces

Leo (July 23-August 22)

Heroes of the Zodiac


"The Leading Man"
This hero has a well-earned reputation for dramatic flair. Once he casts you opposite him, he can be extravagant and courtly in his wooing. Yet he never, never playacts at romance � it's everything to the Lion. He's got a strong sentimental streak, and his gifts may be both expensive and meaningful. Make certain you are suitably appreciative. Just never make the mistake of taking him for granted. Without frequent applause, he'll sulk and growl. His major downfall is the tendency to be possessive, sometimes overbearing. Keep him purring by setting limits at the start and establishing total trust. You'll then have a truly gallant, stylish and tenderly protective hero.

• Aries
• Taurus
• Gemini
• Cancer
• Leo
• Virgo
• Libra
• Scorpio
• Sagittarius
• Capricorn
• Aquarius
• Pisces

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

Heroes of the Zodiac


"The Man in the Moon"
This complex hero is ruled by the moon and his emotions. He's dazzlingly cheerful one minute, moody and withdrawn the next. In time you'll catch on to the phase pattern. And he will reciprocate. For this is a man who knows without being told when you need a hug or a shoulder to cry on. Once committed, he's sure to want children. He'll also be totally supportive if you have offspring from a previous marriage. He may not have a lot of style and flash, but he is a solid citizen who doesn't take his commitments lightly on any front. A Cancer hero is the most domesticated of men, who often courts you with his gourmet cooking talents.

• Aries
• Taurus
• Gemini
• Cancer
• Leo
• Virgo
• Libra
• Scorpio
• Sagittarius
• Capricorn
• Aquarius
• Pisces

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

Heroes of the Zodiac


"Floats Like a Butterfly"
This hero belongs to the planet that gave us "mercurial." The adjective is apt: restless and ever-busy, he enters and exits your life on an erratic time schedule. If you're secure enough to put up with this, you'll never be bored. For you've got yourself the most witty, eclectic and urbane of heroes. He can talk to anyone, anytime, about anything. He knows enough humorous stories to brighten any dinner party. He is genuinely kind and compassionate, but dislikes heavy, unpleasant emotions. Keep it on the light side, and negotiate stylishly rather than confronting him. Then your life together can be a delicious romp, full of good times laced with sparkling dialogue.

• Aries
• Taurus
• Gemini
• Cancer
• Leo
• Virgo
• Libra
• Scorpio
• Sagittarius
• Capricorn
• Aquarius
• Pisces

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Heroes of the Zodiac


"The Warrior"
That upright bearing, firm stride and rugged bone structure � the Aries hero often has a military air. With it comes a certain raw power that's incredibly appealing. In fact, he tends to turn feminine heads and give Scorpio a run for the "Sexiest Sign" title. His wooing can be a bit on the primitive side, though. Aries's natural style is along the lines of "see it, want it, drag it back to cave." Be firm and insist he treat you like a lady. When urged toward civilized behavior, he improves rapidly. He'll soon turn into a passionate, ardent and surprisingly steady hero. He'll take a creative approach to keeping the flame of romance burning.

• Aries
• Taurus
• Gemini
• Cancer
• Leo
• Virgo
• Libra
• Scorpio
• Sagittarius
• Capricorn
• Aquarius
• Pisces

PISCES (Feb 19 - Mar 20)

Comfort food comes in many different flavors, and Pisces finds solace in certain types of victuals. There's a suggestion this week that some culinary treats have dual meanings -- that is, the correct appetizer can both comfort the soul and have a loaded meaning.

Oysters come to mind, obviously loaded with innuendo, since they are supposedly aphrodisiacs. While actually sitting down to a repast of oysters might upset the delicate Pisces equilibrium, the image is the important thing. Consider your destination, and then pick a multi-course dinner menu that offers you what you want.

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18)

Did you go out and have too much of a good time? Are there still a few remaining bits and pieces that you need to straighten out? Perhaps you feel a bit prickly, a bit itchy under the collar. While climatic conditions might vary, the downhill slide after a Full Moon leaves you feeling a bit tepid.

Like tepid bath water, this has its uses however. You can slide right on into a tub of warm water and enjoy it for what it is. Steamy hot doesn't work so well right now. But there is something that hasn't cooled off yet -- and that's nearly as much fun.

CAPRICORN (Dec 22 - Jan 19)

Long hours at work don't benefit your social life. However, the longer hours that you spend either at work or worried about work have one good effect. The decent Capricorn will discover a peculiar time for a social interchange. This strange twist in orderliness will lead to some rather sudden fun.

Mars is in an excellent position to aid you. Do something with this energy. Be prepared for an odd coupling at a strange time, something out of the ordinary. Most importantly, don't expect it at any time when you would usually expect it.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21)

The sign of the archer enjoys a reputation as a freeform sort of personality, but a little structure and a few rules -- maybe we'll just call them guidelines -- are a good idea at present. During the waning phase of the Full Moon, a touch of order helps bring out the best in you.

When you agree to follow a few guidelines, you'll find that your lover -- or would-be lover -- is willing to make special arrangements and bend his or her own rules, just to be with you. First, however, comes the structure. Get out the date book and figure out when you're both available. Then prepare to enjoy yourself, because following rules means that you get to break some, too.

SCORPIO (Oct 23 - Nov 21)

Scorpio has a reputation for secretiveness, to the point that some Scorpios refuse to read their horoscopes. At least, they often fail to acknowledge that they seek advice from something as mundane as astrology.

However, a little astrological advice is useful now, as the waning aspects of the Full Moon and Mars send a clear message: Tell that one person about your desires. Tell everything. The more you reveal, the more you show. The more you bare, the better it will get. Tell that special someone what you want most.

LIBRA (Sep 23 - Oct 22)

Everyone else feels a little down after the effect of the Full Moon has worn off. For some strange reason, this doesn't affect the sign of the scales to any great degree. Perhaps it's that inbred sense of balance, that innate ability to seek the middle ground -- or maybe it's something else.

Share your good fortune and attitude with one person in particular (you know who it is) and be nice. Be extra nice. There's an added bonus as you share this sweet niceness. It looks not just nice, but like positively wicked good fun.

VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sep 22)

Tired of the Full Moon's activities? Surely, that's not you! Venus still makes merry in your sign. This should bring a degree of lazy entertainment to amuse you. For you, the fallout from the Full Moon is just a small amount of cleaning up that requires your attention. Teamwork can make this sort of cleaning up go much easier.

Rather than tackling it alone, locate a likely candidate to help. Ostensibly, you want someone to help move furniture and things, but there's more to the equation -- much more. Once the couch is back in place (or maybe even while it's out of place) a little relaxing massage can lead to rather pleasant diversions. Yes, with the right person, even cleaning up can be fun.

LEO (Jul 23 - Aug 22)

There's no Leo Full Moon fallout; the party never ends. Attitude is important. Maintaining a good Leo attitude has everything to do with getting exactly what you want from your lover. Don't be shy or quiet. Keep your spirits up and carry this energy forward into the week.

What will happen is this: A similar spirit will infect your lover, and then the fun really starts. Use your infectious good spirits to cheer up the people around you. Step up to center stage and let your presence radiate. The better the attitude, the more you get your way.

CANCER (Jun 22 - Jul 22)

Did you ever look at a very attractive person passing you on the street, and wonder what it would be like if you looked that good? Instead of wondering about your personal shortcomings, real or perceived, trust that the Moon is in an ideal position to make the most of what you have.

Use your assets to the best of your ability. This is not about coveting things or qualities that you don't have. This is about putting the qualities that you have to work in the best possible light. Let your inherent sense of taste and style display you in the best light. When you do so, you catch the eye of that one special person -- so be yourself!

GEMINI (May 21 - Jun 21)

Some fantasies are light and airy, filled with butterflies and the smell of roses. Other images take a decidedly dark and twisted form, one that's a little different: perhaps restraints, maybe the smell of leather, or possibly even the clink of a pair of handcuffs.

But who has the key? Ah, that's the question! Gemini owns that right now. Give wing to some of those Gemini flights of imagination, and see what pops up. These seemingly sordid ideas might just find a willing player.

TAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20)

Crisp, fresh sheets on a bed have a special appeal. Perhaps you didn't actually plan to change your bed linens now, but give it some thought. Maybe it's even time to buy a new set of sheets. A quick trip to the store for such items is in order.

A short shopping trip with one specific item might be the best idea. The idea is simple: Build an inviting nest. No sooner do you finish than someone special appears with whom you can share those crisp new linens. Consider this a time for gentle repose after the madness of the Full Moon.

ARIES (Mar 21 - Apr 19)

The waning aspects of the Moon tend to be a little upsetting. They may leave people feeling unsettled. Rather than allow disjointed complaints to ruin a perfectly acceptable time, put on a politically correct face and find some balance. Then, while looking for that happy medium, find just one sweet sin to indulge in.

It could be ice cream, straight chocolate, or perhaps a preferred beverage of some kind -- just one, though, that's the important thing. Moreover, just as you're about to start this solo adventure into sweet excess, see if a willing partner appears on the horizon. Find someone to get out of balance with.

Romantic Cafes

A regional guide to the most romantic outdoor restaurants in the U.S.

If you�re searching for a new romantic hot spot to enjoy those sultry summer nights, try a caf� overlooking moonlit water or one tucked away on a charming street off the beaten path. Caf� wining and dining is one of the ultimate romantic experiences: savor succulent food and conversation with your sweetie while basking in a spectacular view and the cool night air. For the ultimate romantic caf� experience, there are several prerequisites your chosen restaurant should fulfill.

1. Ambience: Your caf� should set the mood for a night of hand-holding and feeding each other luscious goodies. Look for low lighting in the evening (preferably candlelight), beautiful flowers and plants sprinkled throughout, and smaller tables for two�� your knees should almost be touching when you sit down.
2. Intimacy: While a smaller table will make it easier to hear whispered sweet nothings and ensure that holding hands is practically unavoidable, make sure your little table isn�t too close to other couples. Romantic pet names are for a couple�s ears only�� "my little pookie" won�t sound as endearing to other caf� patrons.
3. Setting: Whether it�s a caf� by the water or a candlelit restaurant with an expansive balcony overlooking the street, your backdrop must exude romance. Think sweeping vistas overlooking the water, breathtaking city lights, amazing sunsets, and vibrant street life.
4. Savory food: Even those sitting cheek-to-cheek need to eat. Nothing spoils romance more than tasteless cuisine. When you feed each other over dinner and dessert, it shouldn�t be a chore.

With this checklist in mind, we searched the entire country for ultra-romantic caf�s where you and your honey can relax and enjoy an intimate dinner�� and each other. Click on your region to see which caf� is closest to you.

Prepare yourself for a right royal romp

Just about every little girl dreams of meeting her Prince Charming someday and becoming a royal princess. For some little girls, the dream comes true � literally. For others, dreaming isn't necessary � they are born princesses.

Our monthly royal romance column lets you live vicariously through these charmed men and women who also happen to be royal. We'll keep you in the loop on their love lives and let you in on the special romantic advice that only eHarlequin.com could give to these exalted blue bloods. Consider the time you spend here the crowning moments of your month � and prepare yourself for a right royal romp.

Lessons Learned

Be outgoing; talk to everyone. Be competitive in catching the bouquet. Check your pantyhose for runs. And, in the end, if all else fails, make yourself useful. Dancing with the lonely looking grandfather will certainly make his night, offering to help the bride in the bathroom will certainly make her night and, if you just can't make a go of it, calling yourself a cab will certainly make your night. Just remember before you're whisked away, don't judge a book by its cover... the guy in the powder-blue tuxedo at the next table may very well be your Mr. Wonderful.

When the Tables Turn

It's human nature for us to want what we don't have, so don't despair if you find yourself envying those who belong to what seems like the exclusive club of "coupledom." What you must keep in mind is that the grass isn't always greener (sorry for the clich�, but it is effective). You see, although the married couple will remain enthralled with their union throughout the honeymoon (we hope), it won�t be long before they spend some time living vicariously through their single friends' dating escapades and seemingly exciting and glamorous lives. Remember that if you start feeling low during the first dance.

Armed and Dangerous

There is something to be said about the Boy Scouts' motto, Be Prepared. As a single woman out on the wedding circuit, make your purse contents count. Never leave home without a small mirror (as there is no one to tell you about the spinach lodged in your middle tooth), pen and paper (for passing out your telephone number), powerful breath mints (because gum cracking is a big no-no), and of course, the customary wad of facial tissue.