Women is...: The Myth of Spontaneity

The Myth of Spontaneity

Believe it or not, it is vitally necessary to schedule fun. Some couples balk at the idea because they believe in the myth of spontaneity: The notion that, despite a full schedule, they will somehow find the time for each other. Hand in hand with that is the belief � equally false � that what's needed is a large block of time to build, restore, and sustain a sense of daily intimacy. This false notion is particularly subversive because it leads couples to postpone fun experiences to some imagined future time. The only trouble is, that idyllic time somehow never arrives.

Thinking that only large chunks of time will help them, couples all but give up trying to spend time together. So they wind up feeling increasingly disconnected and overtaken by dissatisfaction. According to Fraenkel, the only way couples will find time for each other is if they deliberately make the time. The liberating news is, you don't have to wait for a big moment. You can restart the spark in a few little moments. In fact, little moments of connection may be more important than big ones. They create a sunny emotional climate that helps partners overlook the petty irritations that normally build up in any close relationship.